a symbol of love

A couple weeks ago my husband and I sat in a local dive eating our breakfast one Saturday morning. I had my hair pulled back in a ponytail, no make up on my face and just glad that the other folks in the dive were mostly unkempt folks just like us that morning. 

Mr. Wonderful (my husband) and I were sitting there enjoying our scrumptious breakfast of country scramblers, home fries and toast when Mr. Wonderful looked at me and asked me what I had planned for the day. Well, I had a list a mile long and it all had to do with being at home and getting much accomplished, being half sick I knew that the list would never be fully finished, but at least I had some goals. 

But my husband had other plans that morning, he said, "I was thinking of taking you ring shopping this morning. I was thinking I should put a ring on it."  (Notice, he actually knows that Beyonce song!!! I nearly lost the food in my mouth as he said that!) Oh my goodness! I never, in a million years, thought I would EVER get to wear a wedding ring!

Let me explain. When you grow up in a religion such as the Amish religion, there is no allowance for any kind of jewelry. Maybe you can wear some medical bracelet, but no more. My husband and I have been married nearly 30 years and only in the past five years or so have I started wearing any jewelry at all, and then one day I started to wish to be able to wear a wedding ring. I'm not sure if I can put it in words what I thought it might mean to me, I guess it just seems like such a loving thing to do, to wear a ring to show the world you belong to someone. Not that the world around me doesn't know I'm married, but it is just something that ties you to your spouse, I guess. I'm doing a really awful job putting into words how I feel about this, but anyway, no matter.

About a year ago I told Mr. Wonderful that I would like for us to wear wedding rings. When I mentioned it to him, he just couldn't even imagine wearing one, felt like it would confine him in some way having something on his finger all the time. But the longing never left me. So a few months ago I showed him a simple band online of what I would want if he ever consented to me wearing a wedding band. He didn't have much to say and I kept browsing wedding rings from time to time, just like I browse for other pieces of jewelry or clothing. It is fun to dream, look, and on occasion make a purchase, right? 

So that Saturday morning when he mentioned ring shopping I was like stunned to say the least, and just like any normal lady would do, I said, "But, my hair is in a ponytail and I have no make up on, I can't go ring shopping now!" I guess there is a bit of vanity in there somewhere! (Must have a chat with God about that later on!) 

It was decided that we would go home and I would do some of the things on my list and then I could take a shower and do my hair and make up and then we could officially go ring shopping. 

Oh Joy! 

I am a pretty simple girl, so I didn't need a lot of bells and whistles, it didn't take us very long to pick out a set, pay for them, and leave the store. I chose white gold and a marquise cut diamond. The band has some small diamonds and is so dainty and pretty. They kept the rings that day to have them soldered together. 

Mr. Wonderful brought my rings home tonight and he got down on one knee, and held out the box and said a few wonderful things to me. Awe! We were both near tears. It is something that will stay with me forever. 

We aren't more married now that I have a ring on my finger, it is just that symbol of love for me that makes it special. And especially how my husband went about telling me he was taking me ring shopping and then finally bringing it home tonight and presenting it to me. Special, special stuff. I will cherish this memory forever. 

Mr. Wonderful, you make me feel loved and cherished every day. 

on writing

I've been thinking about writing and  blogging and putting my guts and feelings and thoughts on paper for all the world to read if they choose to do so. Some days I wonder why would I have ever decided to do such a thing that leaves me feeling so vulnerable, so often? And then I remember my longing on the inside, the passion that is far beyond any words I can write here, "I chust vant to write." (I don't really speak like that, I've lost much of my Pennsylvania Dutch accent and folks have a hard time believing I ever was Amish.) 

If my writing out my thoughts would achieve another level of healing, then it would have been worth it to feel vulnerable. 

My children know about my blog and they come here and read periodically. I'm honestly surprised they want to read my ramblings, they can listen to me ramble anytime they like. (wink wink) I don't think they have read every word within my blog, but they are aware of what I've been writing lately. A few nights ago my son and his wife had stopped by and we were sitting in our living room visiting and my blog came up, and the post on us leaving the Amish in specific, and then my son says, "You know mom, I can't remember it being that bad, I remember one night, but I never thought you were a bad mom." I have tears in my eyes as I'm writing this. More healing....right there. My kids still felt my love even in the midst of all my torment. I praise God for allowing me to be mom to two of the most wonderful people I know. Both so full of grace and mercy and forgiveness. I'm a most blessed woman to have two children who are so supportive through the thick and the thin of life. 

If my writing out my thoughts and sharing things that I enjoy would somehow inspire others to enjoy simple things in God's creation then it would have been worth it feeling vulnerable at times. 

I love, love the private messages I get over on Facebook. My readers are so sweet and sincere and they tell me interesting things about themselves, or thoughts they might have that they don't want to share with all the world. One lady private messaged me this morning and said that on her way home from work last night she noticed the sunset and how beautiful it was and she stopped her car at the side of the road, got out of her car and snapped a picture of the sunset. She said, she thought it would be something I would love. My goodness, first of all, I'm completely humbled that someone would have me in their thoughts driving home from work, but if seeing a sunset and being inspired to stop and enjoy that sunset is what you get from my writings, then being vulnerable is so worth it. Truly. 

If my writing out my thoughts would gain me some sense of confidence, then it would have been worth it feeling vulnerable. 

I can't say I'm there yet in the confidence department. About a year ago my confidence was completely shattered. It was a painful situation and humbling to the nth degree. It was a slow nightmare that didn't seem to end, but eventually it did. I don't know why I had to experience it, but I'm glad with God's grace that I've been able to muster up enough gumption to start writing and throw caution in the wind. I have to say I don't always post what I write, I still can't just let go and publish all of my thoughts, but I'm getting there. I think that having so many wonderful reader friends is so helpful and confidence-boosting. You all are simply a gift from God to me and so healing for me. Thank you for being here and supporting me whilst I work out some of my anxieties right in front of you. 

If you are a new to my blog or have been here for as long as I've been writing, I want to thank you for stopping by and reading and also leaving your thoughts with me, either here in the comment section, or over on Facebook, or in a private message. Each one  means more than you could ever know. 

Thank you sweet friends, you encourage me and leave me feeling less vulnerable each day. 

the elusive sun and a bowl of morels-bisque style

On my way home from my 8-5 today the sun was in my rear view mirror, almost too bright, and I had to put my hand up to shield my eyes from the brightness. I couldn't bring myself to turn the mirror away because I feel we see the sun so little this season that when it decides to come and ride with me in my car, I want to experience it fully. As I neared my home my friend called me and so I picked up and we said our hello's and she asked me a quick question, I answered and as I pulled in my driveway I noticed the sun over our neighbor's barn. I couldn't contain myself, the sun was just so magnificent, there were almost rainbow colors running all over our backyard and even into the sky. There was a cotton candy pink color all over. It was just fabulous.  Seeing all the colors and brilliance I had to get out there and get a few photos so I simply asked my friend if I could call her back, she said yes, I quickly parked my car in the garage, ran into the house and yelled at my husband, "Can you quick run downstairs and grab my camera for me?" I should probably take the question mark out of that sentence because it was more a command than a question. As he ran downstairs, (wonder what was going through his mind as he was fetching my camera?) I grabbed a scarf and tied it around my face because it was cold as blitz out there. I ran outside and took the fastest pictures ever. The sun was going down so quickly, it is crazy how fast the horizon changed in just two minutes time. I never did get the cotton candy pink color that I experienced as I was driving in our driveway. 

So sad about that.

There is the sun, taking a dive behind my neighbor's barn. I love how it is peeking through the tree, and over the roof of the barn. 

Here the sun is peeking though one of our evergreens by the patio. 

And there she goes, no more peeking, she is off to say goodbye to someone else. 

After I fed my cats and made sure they were tucked up nice and warm in the barn, (we have a heat lamp and a big huge spongy straw bed for them, they are never uncomfortable) I came inside and my sister called me. We chatted for a couple moments and then I was off to the kitchen to get creative. I had brought up a mushroom bisque recipe on the Internet, and then I did what I do best, I improvised. The recipe just didn't seem right, so I made it my way. It is the first time that I ever made it so I have a ways to go to get it to match what is my favorite at a certain restaurant we frequent. I think I need to figure out how to get the bisque to be darker in color, the flavor was there, it was simply delicious, I just wasn't happy with the color. The restaurant usually serves warmed up pita bread alongside the bisque, I didn't have pita, but I made some croutons to serve with it, and it also lent some delicious flavor to the bisque. 

My first bowl of homemade mushroom bisque. 

I made dijon, ham and cheese panini sandwiches to go with the bisque. 

We had some old bananas so I pulled up another recipe on the Internet and tried a stab at banana nut muffins. I'm not the best baker, I cook better than I bake, but for a first time, I think they will do. They seem moist. They are in the background. In the foreground is a plate of excellent coffee cake my daughter in law made and gave us some. I had a slice tonight and it is absolutely divine. She is an excellent baker. 

That is about it for tonight folks. I was feeling more creative in the kitchen tonight than wordy. I hope you enjoyed my foodie post anyway. 

some memories of going to the amish church

Last evening I painted my fingernails a nice purple color. It makes me feel good and put together somehow when my nails are done. But it also jogged something in my mind, some memories came flowing back of being in the Amish church. 

Memory number one:

Through the years there was this one story that was repeated over and over again by various preachers. 

Scene one and action: 

(Amish preacher standing in the doorway between kitchen and living room, moving back and forth between the two rooms, rubbing his hands together, clearing his throat, facing the kitchen and then facing the living room, something is troubling him and he is about to speak.) 

Preacher man: "They say there was this English lady they had to exhume for some reason and when they opened her coffin the only thing left was her styled hair and her long, red, painted finger nails." 

Congregation: a complete hush, deadly silence as everyone contemplates the woman in the coffin whose "shame and disobedience" is the only thing left in that coffin.

Preacher man continues: "We all know where this worldly kind of thing leads. It leads to HELL, this kind of blatant going against God's word! People! You cannot do things like this and think you will go to heaven! Never! The English ladies obviously care more about how they look than being obedient to God! Such actions lead to only one place! Hell!"

Little girl in the congregation: senses a feeling of dread and fear in the pit of her stomach, she leaves church knowing that painting her nails and having her hair styled is another way she is going to hell. 


Memory number two. 

Once you become baptized you instantly become a member of the Amish church. It is the ultimate pact, the one true way to heaven, you are now under rule of the Bishop's thumb, you are now going to heaven, you are a daughter of God's when you get baptized and join the church. Your parents are happy, there is a sense of relief for them knowing you are now going to heaven because you are a member of the church. As a little girl growing up I thought heaven was filled with Amish and all the other folks were going to hell, because......they painted their nails and styled their hair and drove cars. 

I was joining church that summer. I was going to be baptized in September of that year, just before my first counsel and communion services. I was a measly seventeen years old, I had a boyfriend and I was preparing to get married. You have to be a member of the church before you can marry, so my sense of duty and what is right and good took over and I started the process of joining the church. 

That summer I walked to church one hot, sultry Sunday. Church was at a farm on a hot and dusty back country road that day. There was nothing beautiful about my surroundings that morning. I was feeling sick and should have been at home in bed. But my sense of duty and responsibility took over, I knew I had to be at church because I was attending instruction classes so that I would be ready to be baptized that fateful day in September. Those instruction classes were long and boring. Those of us who were joining had to leave the church in the morning when the congregation was singing and meet with the men on the "preacher bench", in some upstairs bedroom of the home where church was being held. (That day the actual service was upstairs in the barn and we met in the house.) The men on the "preachers bench" would instruct us on the Amish ways..and also throw things in about the Bible, but I couldn't tell you one thing I learned. It was boring as all get out and everyone seemed to just be going through some sort of ritual and motion. There was nothing there that led one to feel challenged to live life for God. I just remember knowing if I did everything correctly I wouldn't get in trouble with the church and I had a one way ticket to heaven....hopefully. Amish "hope" a lot. That is a whole other post. 

After the class was over those of us who were taking the instruction classes returned to the congregation and soon the men on the "preacher bench" returned as well and then the preaching began. When the congregation stood for the scripture reading I felt some for "tweet tweet" in my head and then next thing I knew a couple of the preacher men were picking me up off the bed of straw that was underneath our feet. I had full on passed out and then rather than some adults help me, one of the girls who sat beside me took me in to the house. The house was a good distance from the barn and I nearly passed out walking to it. Not one lady in the congregation got up to help me. They were too reserved and didn't want to cause a scene, they would rather watch a young girl stumble around than to get up and "make a scene" to help someone. The inaction of the ladies in my congregation that day left a mark on me. My parents weren't at church that day and so there was nobody "responsible" there to help me. The Amish "reserve" leaves me underwhelmed to this day. As I'm older and understand things more and know who I am and what I want to be, I still have a hard time understanding why none of the ladies got up to help me. 

Anyway...the girl who helped me get to the house made sure I had some water and a cookie and a cup of coffee and then she said, "I have to get back out to church," and she left me, her duty to the church beckoned to her more than to make fully sure I was OK. I laid down for a little while, but my sense of duty and responsibility kicked in and I returned to that hot and sticky barn after some time and I made sure I got the last of the service ingested deep inside my soul. 

A few weeks later, I knelt on the floor of another barn, on another bed of straw and I was baptized, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit....and the Amish church. 

The old people beamed at us. There was a sense of "right" in the barn, that day. 

I left the service happy inside knowing that I had done the right thing. 

I was now going to heaven....hopefully. 

The Hardest Thing

ONE of the hardest things in my life has been to understand that God is not ready to damn me to hell for every move I make. I understand today that God cares much more about my relationship with him and motive and intent of my heart than he cares if I color my nails or not. 

Why do I paint my nails? 

Because I want to be stylish and fancy and like the world? 

Surely! 

Nope, being stylish and worldly is never my motive or intent, painting my nails just makes me feel good and put together. There are times when I don't have my nails painted, it is just a treat I give to myself now and then, to spend time filing my nails, picking out the color and then painting my nails. It leaves me feeling a bit artsy and fun. Many Amish would look at those painted fingernails and judge that I was now of the world, others would think I am being disobedient and too far gone. Why can I write that?  Because I once judged others that way, because it is what I had learned from an early age to do. 

Another hard thing is to learn to have a relationship with God, one in which I am responsible to know why I believe what I believe and do what I do. I have to develop my one convictions. I'm not adopting some churches rules as my convictions. It has taken years for me to resolve this in my heart - that it is OK to form my own convictions through having a relationship with God. It is both so freeing and also makes me now be responsible to know what I believe in. 

I love the Amish...don't get me wrong. I love my family and my friends, they know how to have a ton of fun and be silly and hunt and fish and build barns and quilt and cook and bake anyone to shame. But like I wrote before, their reserve leaves me underwhelmed. Those ladies who didn't help me that day in that hot sweltering barn because they didn't want to make a scene, they were too reserved that day. They know how to stand for things they believe in, but too often their reserve and compliance and conformity leave things undone and unsaid in many areas of life. It is heartbreaking in many instances. Folks might know a young child is being abused...their reserve...renders them silent, a husband is abusing a wife, reserve...renders them silent...their country is going to hell in a hand basket...their reserve....renders them silent....many know the true way to get to heaven...is to be born again...to leave the old and cling to their Savior, but their reserve....renders them silent..they don't challenge the men on the preacher bench making the rules...enough. 

These are my thoughts and memories. These are things I experienced and observed. I write what I know. I love my Amish family and friends and would never write to bash them. I write some of my memories so folks can understand that Amish folk are not perfect, they have their flaws too. They are actually pretty human, just like you and I. 

I need to run, my toenails need painted and my hair flat-ironed. 

wink wink

Cheeseburger Soup

There is nothing like a hearty bowl of soup to warm the bones and your soul in the dead of winter. I make a lot of soup in the winter, a big batch and my husband and I are set for a couple of day. We take it along for our lunches and we have it for dinner. It is also very cost effective because you don't have to make more food for awhile. 

Some folks don't like leftovers for too many times in a row, but I feel like you can keep the soup and switch up what you eat with it and it remains delicious and satisfying. Maybe at lunch have a nice piece of fruit and at dinner you can add a salad or some kind of bread and it is not the same old thing. 

The other good thing about most soups is that you have most of your food groups right there, there isn't much thinking about what you still need if you add a piece of fruit for dessert. 

Today I want to share one of my most favorite soup recipes with you. I like to make it when our kids come home for dinner and then we have the leftovers the next couple of days. I also like to send leftovers home with the kids. I purchase those quart size deli containers and lids at Gordon Food Services and keep them on hand for when the kids come home. They are a nice and inexpensive way to send food home with them and nobody has to worry about returning anything. 

Cheeseburger Soup

2 lbs hamburger

3/4 cup chopped onion

1 1/2 cup chopped carrots

1 1/2 cup diced celery

4 1/2 cups chopped potatoes

1- 14 oz can chicken broth

2 cups water

1 stick of butter

3/4 cup flour

3 cups milk

3 cups Velveeta Cheese

salt and pepper to taste

Brown hamburger and onions. 

Cook vegetables in water and chicken broth until tender. Maybe 8-10 minutes after they come to a boil. (I use shredded carrots rather than chopped.} 

Mix hamburger/onion mixture with un-drained vegetables.

Make white sauce with butter, flour and milk, add Velveeta Cheese to white sauce and stir constantly until all the cheese is melted. 

Make sure your hamburger/vegetable mixture is simmering good and then add cheese sauce to the pot and stir until fully incorporated. Do not allow the soup to come to a boil after cheese sauce is added, but make sure it is hot through and through before serving. 

A caution with salt, the Velveeta Cheese has a lot of salt, so taste the soup before adding too much salt. I like a good amount of black pepper though. 

Let me know how you liked it, if you make it. 

camera phone show and tell

I was going through my phone tonight and felt all warm inside seeing some of the pictures I have in there. It lends a feeling of summer, and sun, and freedom from the confining cold and made me feel all cheery, so I wanted to share some of them with you. It is only a fraction of what is banked there in my phone, though! 

Every springtime the killdeer family decides they just must build a nest and raise their family in our driveway. We usually "find" the nest and mark the area with a larger stone near the nest so we know not to drive over the eggs. Can you see the eggs? Sure sign of spring and so glad it was sitting there banked in my phone. 

Awe, some of our flowers. I love the pink color. Just looking at it makes the winter blahs kind of fade, doesn't it? 

My Amish friend and I go "shopping" about once or twice a month on a Wednesday evening. In fact that is where I was tonight, shopping with her. I usually pick her up after my 8-5 and then we go eat and browse used book stores and generally end up at a Goodwill to look at their used book section as well. She was walking to the car when I snapped this, and she was like, "You didn't take a picture of me!?! She has a cell phone and I've caught her snapping a picture or two herself, so I know she isn't opposed to having her picture taken. This isn't a close up anyway, so it is all good. :) 

The community periodically has auctions, "machinery sale" this one has been dubbed. My husband sold his riding lawn mower and so we stopped by the night before the machinery sale to check on the mower and I couldn't resist to snap a picture or two. It looks really messy in the picture, but had you been there you could have seen the "order" that was there in the midst of all the consigned items. 

Horses and buggies. 

My husband likes to hop in his truck and take us driving through Amish country and beyond. We come upon some of the most interesting views and properties. Here is an Amish school and I just loved the name of it. Gypsy Springs School. Isn't that fun?

I wish I could take every one of you to this little spot in Amish country. It conjures up thoughts of Switzerland for me when we go by this spot. I shot a ton of photos here. There is nothing like sheep on a hillside. This angle is only a small part of what is there. 

I love this country road. It is so "photogenic" for me. 

A sunset I had captured. 

A horse clip clopping along. I think we were stopped so I could take some pictures of the Gypsy Spring School house, but not for sure. 

Our back patio. I love the sunbeams here. I wish it was like this tomorrow in our back yard. I long for summer. 

My Alley Cat. He sits on fence posts. He likes to pose for pictures too. Never have I seen a cat who likes to pose like this fellow. 

Our neighbor's cattle. They like to come up to the fence and "visit" when they are in the field next to the house. 

Celebrating my sister's birthday. It was a special one, so we got a hotel near Cleveland and went shopping and eating, just the two of us. We ate at Bahama Breeze the first night. I had their ribs. SO good. 

We noticed that the mannequins didn't have heads. It was kind of funny and kind of creepy. I do much of my clothes shopping online so I'm not in and out of clothing stores a lot and I guess I missed it that mannequins are headless in today's world. I'm a little slow sometimes. 

A birthday can be celebrated without cheesecake, however, if one does celebrate with cheesecake one feels better about things. 

I probably don't have to say a word here. 

Some of the architecture at The Cheesecake Factory. I liked. 

We went to a local town, Berlin, for a parade. I captured some of the action. 

Horses somewhere in Amish Country. I like the fellow who is shooing the flies. Nice capture! 

Stone Quarry at Kelley's Island. Such beautiful blue water. I could have stayed there a lot longer just looking at the blue. 

:) 

More horses along one of our treks through Amish Country. 

And that is it. Hope you enjoyed my little show and tell. 

some of my favorite things...right now

My study. 

I call it a study, but it is my haven away from everything and everyone. When I step inside the door of this room I feel all the tensions of the day just sort of wash away. Here is where I get to be totally "myself", usually in my most comfortable garb, t-shirt and shorts or sweats. No need for pomp and circumstance in my little haven. Here is where I read and write, where I listen to my music and where I visit with my friends, either online or via phone. I have a most comfy couch in here, a nice coffee table, some basic side tables, a large book shelf and another chair, a hickory rocker, that was Amish made and a wedding gift from my husband's parents. My writing table is a a folding table. One day I hope to purchase a wooden desk, but until I find the perfect desk, this table will do. I'm a simple girl, I don't need everything to be fancy and perfect, as long as it is comfortable. 

Music

Recently I was watching this commercial on television, and I heard the music, not really watching the commercial itself and I paused and repeated the commercial a zillion times until I had some of the words and then I set off to Google it and to see if I could find the song and sure enough, there it was! I love the arrangement, I love the words and when I heard the whole thing together I liked loved it. It was a bit "Olympic" for me. Check out the official video on youtube if you like. The video is pretty good and I should say, I'm not into rap music at all, so this was interesting to me that I enjoyed this song so much. 

This song is by The Script and Will.I.Am and is called Hall of Fame. 

The other song that is interesting for me is by the band, Passenger. 

Three things stand out for me, 1. The singers voice. It is distinct and interesting. I was paging through the radio one day and heard this voice. I quit paging and listened and wished I could hit replay. 2. I heard the music in the background, some for soulful instrument that is so beautiful. I don't think it is a violin, but for sure a string instrument. So, so pretty. 3. The lyrics, an almost "Song of Solomon" kind of song, don't you think? A little bit melancholy, a little bit philosophy. I took the liberty to copy and paste the lyrics below so you can read them. You can also find the official video over on youtube if you are interested in hearing it. 

Let Her Go. 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch, surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Because love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Because you loved her too much and you dive too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go
Oh, oh, oh no
And you let her go
Oh, oh, oh no
Well you let her go

Because you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Because you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

My Necklace

A year ago I had a couple pretty stressful things going on in my life and I was having a very hard time coping and some days I felt lost and like I couldn't remember who I was on the inside. I was going through the motions of living, tossed to and fro, it seemed. I was really troubled with how things were shaping up and felt like I needed a physical reminder to prompt me of who I am and wanted to be.

So, one Saturday just about a year ago I was out shopping for my "mother of the groom" dress for my son's wedding and on my way home I kept thinking about how lost I felt all the time and decided to stop off at a jewelry store and see what they have. I wanted a necklace or something to be there to remind me of who I am. I walked inside and the very nice young sales girl helped me pick out a pretty cross necklace. I made my purchase and walked out of there feeling better somehow. I have worn that necklace nearly every day since making the purchase. During the day I like to reach up and feel it there, or when I go to the restroom and happen to look in the mirror and see it hanging there around my neck it makes me smile and remember, "I'm not lost, I'm not powerless to cope, I'm a daughter of God and that is all I need."

I don't know if this could possibly make sense to anyone else, but having this reminder around my neck has been a helpful tool for me and so I guess if nobody else understands, that is OK, because it has really worked for me. To be clear, the necklace itself is not doing anything only reminding me of who I am. 

So, now, bear with me, amateur hour is coming up. I tried SO hard to get a picture of my necklace to show you. I spent all kinds of time shooting it in various angles and lighting and really came up with nothing really good. 

I have this frame to display pictures hanging over my writing area, I keep pictures there that I've taken and inspire me in some way. That is the necklace hanging there. 

Then I hung the necklace on a lampshade and it proved just as sad as the first picture. the little curve over the cross is a rose gold and the cross itself is white gold with small diamonds in it. You can't see any details here, just the shape. 

I hung it over a pitcher I painted. 

The best close up I could get. 

And there you have it a few of my favorite things, some longer lasting than others, but I wanted to mention them here tonight. 

What are some of your favorite things? 

introducing myself

Hi there! 

I thought I would do an introduction tonight, kinda tell folks a little bit about me, since I have quite a few new readers on here. 

So here goes. 

I:

am 48 years old, but I feel about 25...always young at heart.

have been married to "Mr. Wonderful" for 29 years now. This September marks our 30th. He is busy planning our anniversary celebration. I love him because he worries about things like that long before they occur. His real name is Bert, but I like Mr. Wonderful better. wink wink He also watches bunches of Bonanza so sometimes I call him "Delbert Cartwright". We have had some really hard times in our marriage, but divorce was never an option and we worked through a ton of junk and today we basically just have fun. We became empty-nesters at the same time last year so we have a lot in common. I know, we live together, so, of course, we would experience this at the same time! I'm just being goofy. Smile here folks! 

have two wonderful children. Our oldest - a son who is 28 and married to a wonderful gal who is 23. They got married last year and so since then we have been empty-nesters. Our son has two jobs and is always busy doing something. I'm not sure he ever holds still. He knows more people than anyone I know. He is the friendliest person I know and knows no stranger. His wife is quiet and sweet and balances him out. If we had gone searching to the ends of the earth we could not have found a better match for our son. She also cleans my house every other week and that takes a ton of pressure off of me, and she also starts a new part time job tomorrow, so she is a busy young lady. - Our youngest is our daughter who is 26 years old. She, too, married the best, if we had searched to the ends of the earth we could have never found a more suitable spouse for our daughter. He is 28 years old. We have never had to worry one day that our daughter wasn't being taken care of. She is a stay at home mama to a very busy two year old. She is frugal, and is a great example to other young ladies of making do with less because they have goals as a couple. Because of living beneath their means for the last five years they are now able to build their dream home this year. We are excited for them, to see how it will take shape and how they will set up their new home. Our son in law is a very good provider, avid hunter/fisherman and he scores the most points for giving me tons of compliments for my cooking. I always say his nose enters my house before any other part of his body. He is the kind that comes into the kitchen and lifts lids to see what is cooking.  

have a two year old grandson. I call him "Little Guy" on here. He is absolutely the jewel in our family. He needs a brother or sister and some cousins, I'm totally convinced. He makes me wish we had had more children so there would be more chances to have many more grandchildren. He helps me cook when he is here. I pull a chair up to the counter and he stands there and helps me with whatever I'm cooking or baking. He LOVES to help and I LOVE that he is helping. Yesterday his mama called us and had us put the phone on speaker because Little Guy wanted to tell us something...He said, "I peed ina potty." It was a milestone for him for sure and he was so proud of his accomplishments. So exciting to watch him grow up! 

speak two languages. Pennsylvania Dutch is my first and favorite language. I speak it all the time, every day, to anyone else who can speak it. Some former Amish seem to want to get rid of the Pennsylvania Dutch language when they leave, but I don't want to, I love that I know two languages. English, obviously, is my second language. Sometimes I have to think about which words I need to insert here or there because I would say it differently in Pennsylvania Dutch than in English. I can speak "pig latin" also, but I don't think that counts..does it??? 

went to school through the eighth grade and then I was "free." My grades were awful when I was in grade school. In 2001 I attained my GED (good enough diploma). A few years later I attended Adult Ed classes for a year and gained tons of office skills, I learned how to type, how to work Microsoft Office, and how to work the ten key number keys, among other things.  I also learned how to apply make up and how to dress properly for an office setting. My one instructor was fabulous and taught me so much.  I learned a lot that year, but more about myself personally than with the classes. I learned that I have a passion for writing. I loved words intensely, how they come together and mean different things if you use them in different ways. It has been a love affair since then. When I read books, either on my Kindle, or a physical book there are highlights all over the place because when I like how words are strung together I have to make note of those words. I also learned that I am very competitive and I compete with myself, nobody else, I push myself until I get it. I graduated with an almost 4.0 grade point average. I struggled just a little bit in English (wonder why?) and so I didn't quite make the 4.0...but almost. :) That was the year I learned that if I set out to do something, I could probably do it. It also helped me see that the little Amish girl with poor grades was redeemed and that I wasn't as "dumb" as I thought I was. :) 

love to drive my car. I like to get on an interstate and just drive. Sometimes when I'm feeling...I don't know..cooped up, if I can get on an interstate and just drive for awhile it makes life manageable again. I think it lends a certain sense of freedom to me and like magic makes the cabin fever flutter away. I feel so blessed to be able to hop in my car at any point and "go". When I was Amish, going away had to be planned in advance, if you wanted to go to a larger town to do some major grocery shopping, you had to call a taxi driver in advance and schedule a date and time with him/her. Now I have the luxury every day to "go" when I wanna go. It helps if the car has some git up and go, I don't like to "mosey" along too much, I like to git up and go more. 

enjoy cooking for my family and friends. I like fresh more than boxed and microwaved. I like to cook from scratch. I have a small collection of gourmet cookbooks, but they aren't housed in my kitchen but rather in my study so that I can "read" the recipes at leisure and mark the recipes I would like to try. I enjoy cooking Italian...and Amish. :) I also like to bake cakes and cupcakes and they are my most favorite dessert...give me a nice three layer cake over a pudding any day of the week. Coconut cake is my favorite. 

used to be a victim of sexual abuse, but I walk the earth a victim no more. I am an over-comer and I praise God for every victory that has been achieved as I walked through those very deep waters in my life. 

love taking pictures. If I could snap photos all day long, I would be a happy camper. I just found this passion recently and I can never get enough when I am out and about. I like shooting scenery and animals more than I do people. 

love music. Sometimes I wish I could write in music. Some of you may not understand that statement...it is OK, it is hard for me to explain.....so how could I expect anyone to understand. 

love being alone as much as I love being with people. I am never bored so I usually don't care if I'm with someone else or not, I always have something to keep me busy. 

don't have much of an agenda for my life. I used to. It bogged me down. I wanted to make so much money per year, I wanted to do this job and that job, I wanted to go here, or there, my goals were endless and they completely frustrated me and made me feel like a failure. Today I just don't care that much, I always want to be doing something, especially creatively, but my goals are more like this: 

• "I hope to show others the comfort in which I myself have been comforted with."
•  I want God's will in my life and I choose not to obsess about that, but go with the flow, what if I have goals for today, but then someone calls me and needs to talk and God wants me to be that ear to that person, but I have my goals and I miss being the ear that God needed me to be right then? What then?
•  I examine my life periodically and if I don't like what I see, I change things. 

Those are the kinds of goals/agendas I have today. It is easier that way. Less pressure. 

hate being in a crowd, if there are more than 6 people in the room I am immediately uncomfortable. In crowds I become a different person. I doubt I will ever be comfortable working a crowd. Having said that, I can be all "chatty Cathy" when there are few folks around. One on one is my favorite way to hold a conversation and if a person looks me straight in my eyes is when I know I can trust them for sure, for sure. 

hate snakes. 

struggle with my weight. I would love to be healthier, but somehow this is the one thing in my life I have not figured out how to just lose the weight and be healthy. I hate that I have to admit that, just being totally honest folks. 

love to see cats sitting on fence posts. It holds special meaning to me. You know like God puts rainbows in the sky? God has used cats sitting on fence posts to give me a sign that he is there and loves me in the midst of something crazy going on in my life. I might have to do a post about this topic one day. 

Enough about me. I really am a most boring person, I'm sure. I don't do much, I never go away during the week, I come home from my 8-5, make dinner, do some housework, read, write, go to bed, just to wake up and do it all over again the next day. 

That's all folks..

sunday evening sunset

After another day of holing up indoors, I was in my kitchen late this afternoon getting ready to cook up another pot of chicken noodle soup when I happened to look out my kitchen window and I very quickly changed my course and dressed up warmly, grabbed my camera, slipped into some warm footwear and was off to capture the magnificence of God's artwork.  

This was taken at a distance. Just breathtaking. How could it be that I live somewhere with such a spectacular view? I cherish our view more than almost anything else here at our little cottage on the hill. 

Playing with the camera, I pulled it in just a little bit more and the colors and shapes left me in awe. Again I ask, how is it that I get to have these spectacular views from my kitchen sink? 

And once more, I pulled it in even more, the colors are different, the shapes more profound, all exclaiming, "The God of the universe created me, this is his handiwork." 

This is the view from the northeast side of our property tonight, and you will see the sun kissing the tops of the trees. How awesome is that? 

I saw the sun kissing the neighbor's barn as well, so I snapped a shot of it as well. 

After I shot the sunset I fed my cats. I took this picture through the window in the barn, you will see two cats and a straw nest, and a ray of light. The light comes from a heating lamp that is on during the coldest months of the year much to my husband's dismay, but our three cats and the neighbors old tom cat all really love the heat lamp, so my kindness to the cat world negates my husband's theory that the cats would actually survive without the heat. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy knowing the cats are nice and toasty in the dead of winter. 

If you look closely you will see a white line going from the sidewalk to the barn. That is a little path the cats walk coming to and from the barn. Over the years I watched them and they rarely step outside the line when they are going back and forth from the house and barn. Now, if they want to go to the field, or the driveway they, of course, go a different path, but this one is the most well worn. I like that. When you stop to observe the animals you learn so much about their habits. 

This is my most photogenic cat. Alley Cat somehow decided to "sit" in one of the shrubs by the barn when I was outside with my camera recently. I absolutely love this picture. I think I had posted it on Facebook recently, but I really just wanted to share it again.

Did you see or experience anything today that made you pause and see God's glory in it?