Authenticity

Recently, when I was shopping at a clothing store, I was waiting at the counter to be checked out and observing the folks who were being checked out at the next register over. They were a mom, about my age, and her very opinionated teenage daughter. Both were making purchases, but the mother was conflicted because her daughter didn't like the dress she had picked out for herself. The mom thought it was a good dress for work, feminine, yet business. The check out ladies entered the conversation and they agreed with the daughter and went so far as to refer to the dress as something you find "laying in a coffin". I was a little bit appalled and felt bad for the lady, she obviously really liked the dress. The conversation ensued for another minute or two and then one of the check out ladies turned to me and asked me for my opinion. I answered them honestly and said to the lady, "look at what you are wearing", the color of her blouse was the same color as the dress she liked. Then I said, "you obviously feel good in that color and are drawn to the dress, I think you should purchase it," and I went on, "I think you will make your best business deal in that dress." I smiled. She smiled. I think she felt supported, her daughter glared at me, the lady made her purchase, I made my purchase and we all moved on.

But that got me to thinking about us ladies. Do we know how to be authentic? Do we know how to be ourselves? Do we know what we like, feel good in, what we stand for, what we don't? Or are we swayed by every little wind of opposition that crosses our pathway?

This is something I've had to really work on in my own life. I came out of the Amish lifestyle where we just conformed, no matter who we were on the inside. If the bishop said no short sleeves on a hot, August, Sunday, then we wore long sleeves on a hot, August, Sunday. Those kinds of things never made sense to me, but I conformed. I was swayed by the rules of the church, I allowed myself to be told who I was and what I was going to do and wear.

After leaving the Amish and having that freedom of getting to know who I was, what I liked and what I cared about, I then had to work through the difference between guilt and freedom to be authentic. One day I will probably write more deeply about this conflict in my life and how I resolved it.

But like the lady at the clothing check out, don't we take other folks opinions and let them talk us out of being "us"? We are afraid of being different, or standing out, or setting a new rule. I see it all day long, folks who are copy cats, who don't know who they are, so they adopt someone else's ways. How they talk, dress, the movies they watch, the recipes they cook. The list goes on and on. I like when I get to meet a person and they are comfortable in their own skin, they know who they are, they definitely aren't a clone of the lady down the street, or in their church. They are authentic, they can carry a conversation about deep issues, the superficial stuff doesn't come up. I am blessed to have authentic friends and have had a few ladies stand out in my life who have done life in their own skin. I've had some good examples in my peers and otherwise.

I like that.  

I just want to encourage each lady and gentleman alike, if you are good at something and it isn't the norm, who cares? If you like it, do it. If the color makes you feel wonderful, but you get opposition from a loud-mouthed teen, wear it anyway, you will come off as confident and comfortable in your own skin. If it makes it appear like you are from the dark ages, who cares? It is you, it is what you like and folks will like you better for being authentic than if you are a copy cat.

Have you conformed to other folks opinions and rules all your life? Don't know what you like, or who you are? Not sure who the "authentic you" is? My suggestion is that you begin learning about yourself, ask yourself questions like, do I feel good in that color? Does this recipe take me back to 1970 but I loved that dish, I think I will recreate it and it will be authentically me. I don't have to go to "Pinterest" and get the latest recipe to be loved and appreciated, I can use the old and comfortable if that is what I like. Do I enjoy the arts? But none of my other friends enjoy going to a museum. Maybe you've been ridiculed for enjoying art, and you've pushed that interest way down deep. Who cares, if it is authentically you, you should go be artsy now and then. If sitting at home in a quiet room is who you are, then by all means, don't let anyone stop you from finding that quiet space.

The folks who inspire me the most, just do life. They don't stress out about what the other people may think about them. They are strong and comfortable in their own skin and they are unique. I love unique these days. It says character to me. When someone is living life authentically, it is motivating and encouraging, don't you think?

Authentically yours,

Lue