"Cafe Chocolat" - think french.
Sometimes I wish I could write with tone and accent.
This weekend found me completely out of my zone of comfort. I like to be alone or one on one. I'm not a complete hermit, but I could be, I think. Where I am most comfortable is in my home with a couple friends around my table, eating, visiting, playing games, laughing, enjoying each other's company. That's my zone of comfort. Sleeping in a room with 3 or 4 other ladies and sharing a shower room, not my zone of comfort, or so I thought.
When our pastor's wife called me up a few weeks back and asked if I would consider coming and sharing "anything you want" with the ladies at the women's retreat I felt my whole body just crumble, I actually think I slumped forward in my chair for a minute as we spoke. Just thinking about getting up in front of any size group of folks just renders my bones into the strength of a wet noodle. I promised her that I would think and pray about it and talk about it with Mr. Wonderful. My husband has great wisdom and insight for me all the time and he is usually right and I value his input muchly when it comes to hard things in my life. In a nutshell, he knows me so well and understands what I need sometimes.
After much wrestling back and forth, mostly with myself, and a big, "go ahead, you can do it" from Mr. Wonderful, I decided to go and share. As I was praying about it over the next days I would keep on telling God, "I trust you with my life, with my words, with my tongue, I feel small and so not right for this, but if this is your will for me, I trust you." I let my pastor's wife know that I would be willing to share a little bit and then it was set in stone.
I felt like I knew just what God wanted me to share, but last minute on Friday morning things got changed a bit but that was okay because I trusted God for what would for the outcome.
The sun shone so nice and bright much of the day on Friday. I need the sun to exist in a happy state of mind. It was a blessing. I felt every sunbeam that shone into our little cottage as I prepared myself for the weekend.
What a gift a few rays of sunlight can be!
I got a little bit later start than I wanted to, and I still had to get gas and wash my car, both being done at different locations from where I normally would do them and so everything became more of a challenge and it was a hide and seek until I finally found a car wash, but I found one, had to sit in that line for too long. It was sunny out and everyone and their neighbor were getting their cars washed as well. It was okay, I got some things accomplished inside my car as I waited and I listened to some beautiful music, which was awesome too.
I wanted to go the scenic route to Columbus as I had hoped to stop and get a few pictures on the way. My trusty camera was sitting on my passenger seat beside me ready and waiting for me to find a perfect location to get a few shots in, but all of a sudden I had no more time to dilly dally around and take pictures, so I enjoyed the scenery as I winded down the hills and dales to Columbus, Ohio. As I neared my destination I had to get onto the interstate and this is where I started to feel panicky and I now realize that not only do I have anxiety about driving in the snow this year, I also can't be on the interstate without feeling like my world is closing up on me.
What is that about?????
At this point I'm convinced there is more going on with me than a mental thing, I have to go have a chat with my doctor because I feel my body making so many changes in the last several months and as my husband has said before, "You can get a pill for that." I think he is probably right. I have NEVER been afraid of driving on the interstate before. My goodness! I enjoyed loved driving on the interstate until this weekend, there is nothing like getting on a big straight road and just driving, no horse and buggies to watch for, no pot holes, no hills and dales, you can just go. I'm not sure what happened to me.
Sorry, that was a bunny trail...
As I arrived at the retreat destination, I was met and shown to my room and then after I had settled in the fun began. Nearly 40 ladies gathered together in a nice little meeting room, the tables were dressed up nicely and there was chocolate everywhere. I'm serious, chocolate in bowls in the entrance of our room, when we walked inside the room on a table - more chocolate, in the centerpieces, big old chocolate bars. All kinds, all shapes, all sizes.
I think this may be what heaven will smell like once we arrive.
But I'm not sure.
We worshiped God, it was a beautiful thing, 40 ladies in unison singing to our Savior. Even the chocolate can't compare. This was the time that made me relax and know that even though I was in the midst of a lot of people, I was actually able to be comfortable. I am so glad I attended and got to be a part of the experience.
We found our places of where we would sit for the rest of the retreat, each table being called our "sweet circle". I got to meet three lovely ladies in this group, two of them I'd never met before, so it was really nice to get to sit with folks I didn't know and hear about their lives.
We played a couple of games, and one of our leaders got up and did a nice job with our first lesson on God's grace.
I shared my part around 8:30 that evening and I was nervous as all get out. On my drive home yesterday I felt like God showed me how I put too much of myself into it and wanted everything to be perfect and that was why I was nervous. I wish I could have trusted him even more than I thought I did. But it was a good lesson learned for me and showed me, again, where I have to learn to let go and trust God more. As long as God is teaching me more things about living for him, than I am okay with walking through humbling moments like that. I just never want to quit learning from him.
My time of sharing was well received, the ladies were all very gracious and accepting of all my flaws and even laughed with me, I felt a lot of love that night coming from all the faces looking at me.
Microphones daunt, and intimidate me a bit.
I went to bed at midnight, as did my roomies. We didn't have a slumber party though, we settled in for a long winter's nap, but I had a hard time falling asleep. My bed was comfy, I just struggled to fall asleep for a little while. I woke up refreshed and ready to meet the day at 6:30 and so there was the adventure of the shower room. Thank God for curtains!!!! It was a nice shower room and unlike what I had imagined it to be. I had worried about that for awhile last week because I didn't know what to expect.
We met for breakfast of muffins, bagels, apples and a few other breads. After breakfast we met in our meeting room and then the day really began, again, in worship and praise and then the lessons on God's sweet grace for us. We tasted a lot of chocolate. There was a chocolate activity for every lesson along the way. Our leaders and speakers did such a wonderful job, each one gifted and faithful to what God would have them do. It is nice to have ladies who aren't afraid to be out of their comfort zone and do what they need to do. They sure left a good example for each of us sitting there .
After lunch, at one point I started to get a headache and so I broke away from my sweet circle of friends and went downstairs to my room and laid down for awhile. I knew if I had to drive home with the headache I would have trouble. All of a sudden the headache just lifted. I was like, "It is almost as if someone prayed it away." I waited until that session was over and I joined my sweet circle again and then the ladies told me they prayed for the headache to leave!
Wow!!!!
God is so faithful!
We finished our sessions, topped the day off with another time of praise and worship spoke our goodbyes to old and new friends and then we all headed home in our various directions. I'm sure each lady in her own thoughts of what God's grace meant to them.
On the way home I followed my GPS out onto the interstate and drove for quite a few miles, but was going crazy, everything was closing in on me, so I finally took an exit off and I winded my way home through the countryside. It was a beautiful thing and the anxiety left me.
On the way through the beautiful countryside I did a lot of reflecting and sang along to some of the music I had brought along. I even got to stop and take a few photos and I felt like it was the cherry on top of the sundae that was my weekend thus far.
Here are some of those pictures I took later in the day yesterday.
I found this barn out there and it was such a stark contrast to all the dead grass and forests around me. I liked the big blob of black against the winterized landscape and I also liked the white shutters on the barn. It just spoke to me, so I parked, got out of the car and took a few pictures.
More to the west of the barn, way out, I saw these two trees, I just liked them and can almost imagine how they might look when their branches are hanging full of leaves.
Later I came upon some swamp land and I stopped the car and as I turned my camera toward the swamp and adjusted the lens, I saw a real treat, a huge flock of Canadian Geese. How fun!
A little bit closer.
A little bit further away.
I loved the trees in front of the swamp, I used a couple to "frame" the swamp.
More trees framing the swamp.
Across the road, there was more swamp, but not as inhabited as the first side. I loved the blue sky and the ice. Even in the dead of winter we can find beauty, sometimes we just have to look for it.
Our theme verse for our Cafe Chocolat retreat is found in Ephesians 1:6 "We praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear son."
Lord, I thank you for your glorious grace that you show to me over and over again. I thank you for showing me the error of my ways, you show me where things aren't quite right and gently nudge me toward becoming more like you. I praise you for every lesson I've learned from you and every lesson you will still teach me. Thank you for all the new friends I've made and for all the old ones I still have. Each friendship is a gift from you and I cherish each one. Thank you for a wonderful get away, nothing bad happened, you even made sure the shower room was not an embarrassing situation for me. I love that you care for every detail in my life, even granting the prayers of my sweet circle to remove my headache. You are a great and glorious God and I love you.
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