feelin' kinda january

I was browning some hamburger, or like my friend from NYC calls it, "chopped meat" when my phone rang. I checked it out and the caller ID said, "Friend". I smiled, turned my stove off, grabbed my phone off the charger and headed downstairs to my little study, my sanctuary, my vacation from life and we said our usual "hello, how are yous", and then we got down to business. 

"No, really, how ARE you?" asked my friend. 

I shrugged and said, "You know me, it is January." 

She does know me...So. Well. 

She knows that I struggle in January and February with twinges of depression and feeling sad. As we talked about "everything", (Man, I'm using an awful lot of quotations tonight.) I had that feeling of what January might really be.

I decided January IS a verb for me! 

It is how I feel. 

Tired, down, depressed-but only mildly, half sick. 

When I got home tonight I so badly needed my husband to let me "say it", but he was just waking up from a nap. (He is still sick with a nasty flu.) He was not in the mood to talk or listen. (I actually believe I saw a black cloud hanging over his head. You know the kind? The ones you see in the comics.) 

I feel bad for Mr. Wonderful because he feels so awful, but I really needed an ear tonight, and I didn't get one. The best thing for me to do at this point is to get busy. Resolved to move on, I did get busy in the kitchen making a pot of delicious chili, began browning the hamburger, and that's when my phone rang. 

After my friend and I hashed out all our issues with each other and had a few laughs we hung up I went back upstairs and finished that pot of chili. (It is so good.) While chopping, mixing and stirring I was thinking about how God is never so far away, he knew my heart, and he cared, he knew I needed to "say it" to someone and he provided that ear. The conversation between my friend and I was like a tennis match, flowing back and forth through the imaginary phone line and we talked about so much. We actually visited, we didn't just talk, and I feel so much better. We actually visited for more than two hours. 

I take it as a gift God sent me in the form of my friend. 

He really cares about our hearts and he provides a way, I'm totally convinced of that and was again reminded of the fact tonight when my friend called me. 

I will probably still feel "January" for awhile. I hate even mild depression, feeling tired and sick, but when God sends someone to me in my time of almost desperate need, well, I am OK with feeling "January."