real housewives of amish country

The last couple of evenings I've been having bouts of not being able to fall asleep and so I get up and page through the television for something to watch. I don't want to be "engaged", I want to be bored to tears so that I can fall asleep. Well, I've been stopping by the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and watching them, in fact I taped them so I could catch what was going to happen in the following episodes. So much for not being "engaged". 

My goodness, gracious, gravy! 

May I even say that? 

My eyes are crossed, I'm sighing loudly and I have a ton to say about these ladies women. 

I just didn't grow up this way. 

How immature. 

Are they for real, for real? 

If money does that to folks, I am sure happy to stay "poor". Because what we have in light to what they have makes us poor, very poor. 

The waste: of good talent, of money, of time, of words, of friendships, the list could go on forever and ever. 

The rich have many more issues than us poor folks. I'm convinced. 

The rich have less class than anyone I rub shoulders with. 

The excess is heartbreaking. 

I got to thinking if we did a Real Housewives version here in Holmes County, OH, what would that look like? 

So here goes.....

Real Housewives of Amish Country

Scene one: Mary, Sarah, Fannie, Ada, Ellie arrive at Ida's home, each in their own horse and buggy. Ida comes out to greet each of her guests with a cheery "hello" and helps to unhitch each of the horses from their respective buggies and beds the horses down in her barn, gives them water and feeds them. Camera pans out over the stalls and you see each of the five horses along with Ida's two horses peacefully chomping on hay, and then the camera takes an outside shot of the five buggies all neatly in a row in Ida's driveway. A tree is waving in the wind, the sunshine is dancing across the grass and the wheat in the field across the street is rustling as the wind swishes through the field. 

Scene two: Ida enters her house where her five friends have already taken turns washing their hands very clean and are now seated at Ida's quilt she is getting ready for her oldest daughter, Susan, who is getting married next year. Ida washes her hands and then comes into her living room to again greet her friends. She smiles and sits down at the quilt and the bantering goes back and forth, Sarah discloses the funny fact that last week when she and Ellie were at Keim Lumber in Charm and Ellie came out of the women's restroom with some toilet paper stuck to her shoes. Sarah think this is so funny, and Ellie just smiles, the other ladies all have a good belly laugh and it goes on from there, story after story of embarrassing moments. That one time when Fannie came over to Ada's house and Ada was out back sunning her legs and had her dress up above her knees. Ada says, laughing, 'Well, my legs are so white and I just wanted them to get a little color, I thought I was all alone!" More giggles and laughter. 

Scene three: The ladies are all standing up and rolling the quilt frame in toward the center. Both sides were able to roll three times! They stand back and admire their progress. Ida then says, "Hey, it is 10 AM, let's have a break and have some coffee." They all follow Ida to her kitchen table and she putters around the kitchen getting the coffee ready and then she pulls out a couple Tupperware containers and a plate and puts a nice variety of homemade cookies and bars on the plate and places it in the center of the table. Her friends all look at the plate and talk about the different variety's of cookies Ida has made. They also discuss which cookies and bars they have been baking in their homes. A few ask each other for recipes, Ida serves the coffee, offers milk to those who like cream in their coffee and then she sits down and they continue their small talk of recipes and coffee and they eat and drink up. 

Scene four: Back at the quilt, three per side, facing each other, the quilting needles with thread and thimbles placed on proper fingers are busy and the small talk continues, there is concern for the bishop's wife who has cancer, one of them heard she is not doing so well and there isn't much to do for her. They talk of the possibilities if the bishop's wife passes away, what will happen to the youngest in the family, she is a girl, 10 years old and the rest of her sisters are married already. How sad it will be for little Lizzy to have to grow up without her mother, but hopefully the married sisters will step in and fill that void when the time comes. Next they discuss how Sam Troyer has been finding so many snakes all over the farm. They aren't sure what that means, but some say that where there are snakes like that means that not all is well in the marriage and it could all be a sign of what others have suspected going on between Sam and his wife. They had heard she can be really bossy and often wears the pants in the family. The friends collectively sigh. 

Scene five: The friends are now sitting at Ida's kitchen table again, she has prepared a nice luncheon of seven layer salad, homemade bread, yummasetti, corn and apple sauce and some peanut butter cream pie for dessert. There is more laughter, more banter, they discuss their first meals after they were married. Ada remembers baking her first pie and first of all the dough didn't want to work right and finally she flung it against the kitchen wall and it stuck to the wall. Giggles...belly laughs and then they move on to all the other friend's favorite cooking and baking mishaps. 

Scene six: Everyone pitches in and the dishes are done right quick. Ida puts the food away and the others wash, rinse and dry the dishes while one of them grabs a broom and sweeps the kitchen floor clean of any crumbs that may have taken a tumble to the floor. 

Scene seven: Back at the quilt the 6 friends while away the afternoon quilting and talking. At one point Ellie gets up to go to the bathroom and the other five friends in hushed tones remind each other that Ellie looks more sad today again, she has battled with depression for a long time and tends to be the more quiet of the bunch. One of them says, "she really needs our prayers, and her husband needs to shape up, you know he lets their barn and house repairs go too long and always looks so sloppy over there." They all tsk, tsk, but then they hear the bathroom door open and Ellie returns and the ladies act like nothing was said about Ellie and her lazy husband.

Scene eight: All the ladies are standing there admiring the quilt, both sides were in competition all day, but everyone kept their end going and they were able to turn the quilt frame in 6 more times. Ida was now near the middle where she could reach most of the rest of quilt. The six friends stand there all with a look of satisfaction on their faces and Ida is thanking them for "all you have done today, now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel." 

Scene nine: The ladies are all outside helping each other hitch up their horses to their buggies. As each lady steps into her buggy Ida comes over and gives each friend a smile and another sincere thank you, and each friend again thanks Ida for the delicious food she served them. Ida sends each friend off in the same manner and as the last friend's horse and buggy clip clops up the road Ida has a smile on her face, hands on her hips, she is walking toward her house breathing in the warm air and looking content.